I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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