let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
