He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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