A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
