so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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