So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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