Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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