In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
