he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
