ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
