I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
