So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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