I wannas sexs uuuuu
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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