can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
