Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
