Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
