dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
