I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize