I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
