Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
