is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
