I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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