Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The air taste purple.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
