threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
