i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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