it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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