College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
