update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
