I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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