Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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