I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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