There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
there is glitter all over my balls
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
