need another drink. this is the easiest way
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
