I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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