jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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