you win again, gameday.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
