literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
