If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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