ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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