remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
