He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
