After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
