I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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