Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
