come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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