She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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