I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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