The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Of course I have a pirate flag
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize