this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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