i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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