Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she pinky promised me she was 18
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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