I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
