How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
