Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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