a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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