he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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