she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
