WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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