dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
