eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
