I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
