i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
