She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
