She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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