My first STD was from a foam party
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
