you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
